Terrible Animals to Have as Pets.
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Animals are great. Even the ones most people despise, like spiders and snakes and housecats, I think they’re alright. I’d take a ridiculous, smart or cute videos of an animal over those of a human child any day. Maybe that’s a result of having pets my whole life or maybe it’s the cause. But all that said, there are some animals not fit for pet-dom in my book. It’s not about cuteness or intelligence or even just being awesome at being an animal…they’ve got that going for them. It’s like how you’ll never, not even in a post-apocalyptic-recreate-the-human-species way, date that one decently attractive, gainfully employed, moderately funny friend your drunken best friend tells you is your soulmate. It’s just fundamentally not a good idea.
Pterodactyl
First off, I’m not even sure they’re called pterodactyls anymore. The official nomenclature may be pterodon or something. That starts this prehistoric beast off on the wrong foot with me from the get-go. Another nail in their coffin: they just seem super noisy. Having never personally heard a live pterodactyl(don), I’m basing this solely off of TV and movies. Still, have you ever seen a quiet pterodactyl(don)? Didn’t think so. Also, I don’t know what I would feed a pterodactyl. I assume they want to hunt to some degree, but that’s not very conducive to being a pet. I guess I could set up some type of hunting area or a free range sort of deal, but that’s just, like, a lot of work.
Chimpanzee
These guys may appear to be shorter and fuzzier versions of us, but that’s such an over-simplification. Chimps are smart and, as we all should know, the smart leads to mean. And while chimps aren’t creating atom bombs or performing genocide, they will rip you to shreds in an instant. I’m still shocked that not a one of Michael Jackson’s plastic surgeries were to reconstruct some Bubbles-inflicted damage. Face or appendage tearing aside, chimps don’t wear pants. That just inflicts a different yet still visceral fear inside of me.
Elk
Ok, elk are on here for size but mostly because I’m not sure what really sets them apart from moose.
Leech
What do you feed a pet leech? Can you have just one or do they need to leave in some kind of leech group – and what would that be called? A leech school? Gaggle? There’s way too many unknowns and way too few adorable or interactive benefits for a pet leech to have a chance.
Penguin
Penguins are damn cute. They waddle around all adorable, mate for life and look like little matre-des. But those birds smell like fish. Like more that fish smell like fish. Plus after being courted by one for a couple weeks when I worked at a zoo, there’s no way I could have an animal that clingy. Penguins are like the literature majors of the ornithological world: cute, innocent and willing to follow a suitable female around forever.